I Keep Starting Over

I ran/walked today.  I only made it 17 minutes, but I guess that's better than nothing.  I bought some new running shoes, but still don't know if they are great for me.  I went on a website and went through their shoe wizard to determine what styles would be best for me.  I bought a pair that was listed and tada, they were at my doorstep in a few days.

My feet and legs really hurt today, though.  I'm not sure if it was the shoes, the uneven pavement, or the fact that I'm just REALLY out of shape...like grossly, obesely out of shape.  It stinks.  Anyway, I still have my sites on this 5K in May.  I have to keep telling myself that I can do it, and I keep trying to imagine what it will feel like when I actually stick to something and accomplish a goal.  I can't wait to run across that finish line!

This new journey isn't just about bringing my skinny back.  It's also about helping me find self-worth.  Surely God intended me to be more than I am.  I know He intended me to take better care of my body.  This vessel that he made in which I am to spend my earthly days belongs to him.  He's just loaning it to my soul for a while. 

The condition of my body may reflect the condition of my soul.  I do not feed my soul from His word as much as I should.  I do not feed it healthy snacks of scripture that are from His breath.   Though my soul is saved by Jesus' blood, I'm not caring for it as I should.  Therefore, my attitude is not nice.  I have become bitter and resentful. I feel so alone, and I have so many regrets.

So is the same with my body.  I don't feed it healthy, whole foods.  I don't exercise on a regular basis to make it stronger.  Therefore, it has become unhealthy and not pleasant to look at.  I see all the ugliness of bitterness, resentment, and regret everytime I look in the mirror.  It breaks my heart.

Precious Father, I want to rid my soul and my body of this ugliness.  Help me love myself, not in a arrogant, conceded way, but as a humble, confident child of THE KING!  Help me lay aside the bitterness, regrets, disappointments, shame, and guilt that keeps me in this venomous cycle.  Thank you, God, for your precious gift.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Bringing it,
Kellie